Today Show segment video clip

From Po:

I was on NBC's The Today Show yesterday with Tiki Barber, Matt Lauer, and Stefanie Wilder-Taylor, once again talking about the power and peril of praising kids.

Here's the video clip:



FYI, right before the end, Tiki Barber concludes, "So we have a consensus - it's okay to praise kids when they're really young, but we need to cut back as they get older." We were running out of time, and I was swayed by his attempt to make nice, so I didn't interject, I only lamely smiled. In fact, this body of research was repeated on subgroups of every age, from preschoolers all the way up to Ivy League medical students, and every subgroup showed the same negative consequence of being labeled by praise as "smart." So it's not okay to praise preschoolers constantly, and it's probably better to get in the habit of doing it right.

Results from Survey of Parenting Styles & Assumptions

This blog post will describe how people are answering our survey. When appropriate, the correct answer is in bold type.

Question 1. At the time of birth of a firstborn child, how confident are mothers and fathers in feeling adequately prepared for their new role of being a parent?
80% of mothers and 40% of fathers are confident	10.84%
60% of mothers and 60% of fathers are confident	21.67%
40% of mothers and 20% of fathers are confident	38.92%
20% of mothers and 20% of fathers are confident	29.06%

Question 2. Researchers surveyed teachers to find out which students have behavior problems at school. Then they polled parents, to learn about their parenting styles. You'd probably not be surprised to hear that it was children of "Disengaged Fathers" who teachers reported being the most angry and aggressive. But what other parenting style was also strongly associated with children having behavior problems at school - nearly as high as the children of Disengaged Fathers?
answer options	Response Percent
The Progressive Father	62.41%
The Traditional Father	37.59%

Question 3. On average, how well do you think siblings treat each other, compared to treating their friends? (This is for children of elementary school age and younger).
answer options	Response Percent
Siblings are 10% nicer to each other than to their friends.	11.58%
Siblings insult each other and attempt to control each other twice as often as they do with friends.	45.26%
Siblings insult each other and attempt to control each other seven times as often as they do with friends.	43.16%

Question 4. (In three parts) Children learn to lie around their fourth birthday (or even earlier). They may, or may not, make a habit of it. Which statement do you think applies to this developmental stage?
answer options	Response Percent
Preschool-aged children who lie a lot just don’t realize yet they’re lying, and are blurring the distinction between the fanciful and the deceptive.	24.73%
Preschool-aged children who lie a lot are worse at distinguishing lies from the truth.	17.58%
Preschool-aged children who lie a lot are better at distinguishing lies from the truth.	57.69%

Which story, told to children, has a bigger impact on reducing their lying?
answer options	Response Percent
The Boy Who Cried Wolf	75.54%
George Washington and the Cherry Tree	24.46%

Outside the United States, which story has a bigger impact on reducing their lying?
answer options	Response Percent
The Boy Who Cried Wolf	80.43%
George Washington and The Cherry Tree	19.57%

Question 5. Scientists have been studying children’s racial attitudes – their tendency to stereotype people of other races and ethnicities, and have negative or positive bias towards them. Without overthinking this question, which statement would you generally assume to be true?
answer options	Response Percent
Children who attend very diverse high schools have dramatically better racial attitudes than children who attend non-diverse high schools.	13.11%
Children who attend very diverse high schools have slightly better racial attitudes than children who attend non-diverse high schools.	29.51%
Children who attend very diverse high schools have slightly worse racial attitudes than children who attend non-diverse high schools.	26.78%
There is no correlation between diversity of high school and racial attitudes.	30.60%

Question 6. Before your children entered kindergarten, what best describes your philosophy to handling the sensitive topic of skin color and race?
answer options	Response Percent
It has very rarely come up, and I think talking about race will only teach my child to notice differences. In fact, by treating people I encounter just as people – without regard to skin color – my children can learn that all people are equal.	47.73%
It has occasionally come up, and yet I don’t want to call special attention to skin color, so I've sometimes told my child general principles, such as “Everybody is equal,” or “God loves us all,” or “It’s what’s inside that matters.”	26.14%
Even before my kids noticed skin color differences, I've handled it very proactively, asserting specific, unmistakable principles, such as “That someone has the same skin color as you is not a reason to like or prefer him.” I've made it super-clear that judging someone for their skin color is morally wrong.	26.14%

Question 7. (In two parts) True or False: Kids who sleep a lot are more likely to be overweight.
answer options	Response Percent
True	17.32%
False	82.68%

True or False: Kids who sleep a lot are less likely to have a report card full of A’s and B’s.
answer options	Response Percent
True	16.29%
False	83.71%

Question 8. Another way to describe the majority of the bullies at your local middle school could be to say they are ______ and ______.
answer options	Response Percent
a. bad-tempered and physically intimidating	34.64%
b. popular and cool	40.78%
c. loners and withdrawn	24.58%

Question 9. Which of the following fits you? When I see a young boy pretending to be in a scenario that involves karate moves and/or shooting an imaginary gun ...
answer options	Response Percent
I’m a little nervous that in non-pretend situations, he might be a little more physically aggressive.	35.43%
I’m very worried that in non-pretend situations, he might be a little more physically aggressive.	6.29%
I’m not worried at all that it leaks over to non-pretend situations, and I wouldn’t expect him to be more physically aggressive.	58.29%

Question 10. Many parents tell their children that they are smart. They believe that this helps build the children’s self concept, which works like an angel on the shoulder. Is this something you do?
answer options	Response Percent
Yes	60.23%
No	39.77%

However, of the 51% who have not heard about or read our New York magazine article, 77% are saying "Yes" and 23% are saying "No."

Question 11. (In two parts) What percentage of adolescents think it’s okay to lie to their parents about personal and moral issues?
answer options	Response Percent
95% think it’s okay to lie	19.21%
90% think it’s okay to lie	36.72%
55% think it’s okay to lie	31.64%
35% think it’s okay to lie	12.43%

What percent of white adolescents accept and follow the restrictions their parents set for them?
answer options	Response Percent
Only 5 percent	17.51%
Only 20 percent	47.46%
Only 35 percent	35.03%

Question 12. When children see their parents fighting, it affects their mood. This is actually measurable – scores of their moods drop by an average of 26%. But boys and girls are affected differently. For one gender, their moods drop dramatically and recover quickly, within hours. For the other gender, their moods drop moderately and don’t fully recover for many days. For which gender do you think their mood scores drop moderately and don’t recover for days?
answer options	Response Percent
Boys	55.68%
Girls	44.32%

Question 13. If a heated argument starts with your spouse in front of your kids – and you realize this – what do you do?
answer options	Response Percent
Stop immediately, because our arguing can hurt the kids.	8.09%
Ask to take it upstairs or out of the room, so the kids don’t witness any more conflict than they already have.	20.81%
I try my best not to completely lose my cool, but I don’t shield my kids from the reality of anger and arguing, because I think it’s a reasonably normal part of family life.	35.84%
I try to make sure my kids witness how the fights end – how they’re resolved – so they have role models for resolving arguments.	35.26%

Question 14. If your toddler throws his food (let’s say an apple) off his tray table, how would you respond?
answer options	Response Percent
By not responding at all, to avoid rewarding him with attention. I’d clean it up later.	11.63%
By removing the tray table and his food, because he’s probably not really hungry any more if he’s throwing food.	19.77%
By nicely saying, “We don’t throw food, we eat food.”	33.72%
By firmly saying, “No throwing or I will take the food away.”	27.33%
By saying, “Oh, poor Mr. Apple! See how he is bruised?”	7.56%

Question 15. 90% of kids have been spanked. However, a parent’s demeanor and language can shape the meaning of the spanking for the child. Which type of meaning assigned to corporal punishment has been associated with behavior problems in school?
answer options	Response Percent
A) Spanking is used very sparingly, reserved only for rare occasions like this one where you did something especially wrong.	51.74%
B) Spanking is the normal punishment for when you do things wrong.	48.26%

Question 16. Researchers have found that fathers who are religious tend to be more conservative when it comes to issues relating to "family values." These men believe that marriage is very important, that having kids is an important part of a happy life, that single parent families are damaging to kids, and that it's better for the kids if their moms stay-at-home rather than work. Holding these traditional values, religious men:
answer options	Response Percent
are less involved with their kids on a day-to-day basis.	37.28%
hold more egalitarian views about housework and childcare duties - wanting to be equally involved in both.	4.73%
are no more or less likely to be involved in childcare than those who espouse less traditional views.	57.99%

Question 17. Which of the following everyday school elements has such a dramatic effect on a child that it could reduce a gifted child's performance in class by 18%?
answer options	Response Percent
The buzzing of large fluorescent lights	59.28%
The gender of the child's teacher	40.72%